I must say that I had a lot of “baby” experience before I had my first, it didn’t seem so hard then. and went undiagnosed for so long. And my heart melted. I am going to save this page and forward it to friends with each new baby born into our circle. It all came too suddenly i was not able to feel “right” with my baby like a mother should.. i wasnt able to feel strong contractions and cannot go through the real pain of going into labor.. i felt stranger and distant to my daughter…. had no way of showing appreciation! Whoever you are, we understand and you are not alone. I just had my first baby Feb 10th and am a single mom. I haven’t always enjoyed nannying jobs, and the thought of recovering from the fibro and then intentionally becoming a mom is the most depressing thing I can think of! I wish I would have seen this before I had a baby. All he had to do was have an orgasm. After years of infertility and waiting and longing to have children, when our first kiddo came along, we sort of expected (and were expected by others) to just be completely joyful with our new life. Your body just did something it was made to do, and yet what it did is nothing less than a miracle. If we were all a little more honest about what the real world is like instead of trying to look like we have it all together all the time, we would be helping women much more. We tried and tried to have another and after what seemed like the 20th doctor told us that even if we could afford to purchase their new ski chalet they probably wouldn’t be able to get us pregnant, we gave up, and accepted that my first would be a singleton. I don't feel joy or love. No one ever talked to me about the “negatives” so I had unrealistic expectations after my first daughter was born. But I know that other moms have made it through and it will be ok either way. I’m holding my colicky 2 wk old upright n crying coz I thought I was just so horrible at this and I still can’t see the bright side. If you have the “baby blues” you might not notice the sadness or moodiness right away. I too suffered ppd with my first and had no idea until looking back on it. We passed the baby around until he began to grimace. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you writing this. One thing I never was though, was short of love. Can we put that in pamphlet form and pass it out in super markets? I wish I could say the same for his big sister. New mums, seek out support… even if it is online. Looking at him filled me with joy. I stay home with the baby. While that was definitely difficult, there were some blessings. <3. Thank you so much for this. Finnalyy I had it, CIO is what I did and it saved my mentally nd physical health. i keep telling myself, when they are teenagers i won’t be able to get them to stop sleeping! The second baby was much easier. I keep telling myself once the baby is here I will just fall in love with it. I couldn’t fathom having a second. Newborns are a TON of work and very little sleep. That won’t be possible for long.). I was spiraling down, down, down. Anyways, I really honor your vulnerability in sharing this with everyone. Son Your Choice Of Books Is So Poor. My husband really wants kids, and I had always thought I did too, but honestly my friends’ stories have me freaked out. He was born with three holes in his heart and had to spend his first days in the NICU. I am home with my first who is 3 months old and have finally found the “job” I absolutely love. Thank your for the virtual hug, I was needing one. We keep them up because there are a ton of great conversations here and we believe you deserve to see them all. I did not love the early days either. Of going through this. We are very limited these days in our viewing with kids who stay up past 9pm (I go to bed at 9pm!) But you should talk to your husband and express your feelings. Please ask your DH to help you at night!! I thought they were crazy. But for that minute I felt like that old lady was the embodiment of everything my brain had been trying to tell me – that I was a failure, that other people could raise my children better than I could, that there was no sense in trying and I should give up…. Are you sure you want to delete your comment? I felt like a horrible mother, not just because I couldn’t console our son, but because I felt so alone. This is common, I hear. Now I have two girls and my second was totally different. I know it will be such great encouragement to so many-it was to me still and my daughter is now 2. I dont know that I ever had PPD, but I think we all feel some sort of sadness at the loss of what we were and it takes time to love who we will become. Especially if you're still recovering from a c section. I didn’t feel guilty and I don’t do now, that’s just the way it was like! It's okay to ask for help from your partner though! That’s right, I am not in the supposed 99.99% of women who are over the moon about being pregnant. Somehow I would end up on Instagram as I was trying to decide, wanting to feel connected to my network, and then my 10-minute window of free-time would be up—my hair would still be greasy, my stomach would still be grumbling, and I would have my baby back in my arms again. My husband as well. And I mean- ALOT. But that this is by no means their sole shaping force. My husband is great and VERY supportive, but someone has to bring home the bacon, so I don’t want him to get up at night (plus, I’m the boobs person…) Before reading this, I kept thinking “How stupid of me, I have the perfect child, but keep breaking down emotionally all the time”. This will pass. He’d rarely sleep at all during the day, and when he did, it was in short (15-45 minute) stretches. Ten years ago when I had my first I had the most incredible pregnancy and truly enjoyed the entire spectrum babyhood from newborn to toddler, through potty training and more. Thank you. And waited nearly 5 years before I had my second because I thought I was a failure. I need this. I waited a long long time for him and because I’d watched so many friends have babies, and had heard all the stories (good and bad), I thought “I got this – no sweat!” I figured I’d had all this vicarious experience, and had lived my own life, I was completely ready to be a mother, and everything would go smoothly. I thought life was supposed to be wonderful with a baby? LOL, Yeah TOTALLY wish this was out there when I had my baby 15 months ago. Very true. Seriously. I did start to enjoy her more around 3 months once she began being more interactive. Every meeting, God shows up and blind eyes and deaf ears are opened, diseases & tumors disappear,barren women get pregnant , creative miracles of missing organs and bones being restored take place, cripples walk, mental illness leaves, emotions are healed and souls are saved.the Ministry’s healing anointing is so strong that many are healed while they sit in the meeting. being a mom is about carrying a cross – laying down our lives for these little people who will someday be big people. THIS is doing good work in the world. I think something that really helped me, though, is the huge cocoon of support I enjoyed that first year in particular and to an extent, since then. not all new moms ‘birth new life’ and some women’s bodies did not ‘perform what it was made to do’, but they’re no less superheroes and it’s no less a miracle. But. And also, try and get some time for yourself. My now husband and I who were not yet married at the time had our first daughter when we were 19 years old, I remember enjoying every moment of it. I Hate It. Archived discussions are usually a bit older and not as active as other community content. Now I look at it as I was just exhausted, stressing myself out, doubting myself, and hormones. I don't want to. Give me a 2 year old any day. This article scared the crap out of me. If you're doing formula he can do one of those too. http://www.yoursouthernpeach.com/2010/08/words-of-encouragement-to-new-mom.html?m=1, http://healthincheck.blogspot.com/2016/03/7-critical-mistakes-you-need-to-avoid.html, Disclosure, Privacy, & Advertising Policy. I wish I’d read something like this post first time around, it really does feel like a virtual hug. The toddler tantrums are so much harder for me than these newborn days! As an adoptive mom of two, I completely agree. I feel love for my baby girl but the past 6 weeks have been the most miserable ever. I'm sure you're a wonderful mother. And I make sure to pass the word on to expecting moms. i figure i have the rest of my life to sleep right? I do appreciate the “pass” to sleep…I feel like I should be doing more, and feel guilty passing up the opportunity to do some chores to sleep in with the baby. Literally. That’s very encouraging. I wish I’d read this before I had my first. I loved my husband and I loved God. You’re still a fantastic mom. I am a first-time mom and it is so much harder than “they” ever told me it would be. Napping before Bedtime ‘bad’? People kept asking me when I was pregnant with my second if I was SO excited for him to be born? From feeling like a bad mom to the increased flexibility, here's what we wish we'd known about formula feeding. Not because it was so horrible (the sleep deprivation always is, of course), but because I had this 3.5 year old yammering away all the time, and the baby was always strapped on my chest in various slings and things; I just didn’t notice my little appendage. He already knows how to get what he needs out of you. We missed you at the fire pit. I had awful PPD and absolutely despised the newborn stage. • Unsecured Borrowing Thank you for your thoughtful words today. When asked if everything was ok I remember replying, “Well, we love him, but I’m not so sure we like him very much right now.”. I’m so thankful for this post- I thought it was a terrible person for feeling this way. But when my heart was in the right place, it was totally different. Who knew??). Thanks for the reminder. I love that you are not afraid to tell the truth. Then, my baby was born, and I couldn’t enjoy it. I have a 2 year old and a 2 month old, and the 2 month old is harder than our first one was… I needed to read this! Hmm. I loved the newborn stage with my first – he was planned and I was thrilled to be a new mom. My son is 8weeks and more often than not I’ve felt like a bad mom because I can’t enjoy him. It truly does re-define motherhood once you’ve experienced those first few trying months, doesn’t it? (although, to be honest, I had a little breakdown on his 9 month b-day about not savoring and enjoying his newborn babyhood enough) I wish I had spend more time letting him sleep snuggled up on my chest. Undiagnosed PPD with my first, but looking back, man, I wish I would have gotten some help, I had such a hard time, and I was so hard on myself trying to be a perfect mom. I keep hearing “I should be eating better, for the baby” and while my mouth says “you’re right” my brain is screaming “what baby?!?!?”. Even more overwhelming is the fact that I have not bonded to them at all. “They” don’t say it often, but there are a lot of moms who’ve felt similar. Finally, he was born, my beautiful 9lb baby boy I had prayed for, but alas it couldn’t be that easy. It’s so important that new moms get lots of positive encouragement, even if it’s a simple “you’re doing a great job with that baby!”, You can read my story here: http://www.yoursouthernpeach.com/2010/08/words-of-encouragement-to-new-mom.html?m=1. I even asked a few of them why they never told me. Please whitelist our site to get all the best deals and offers from our partners. But I had to. We’ll give you the help you need with a dedicated staff to assist with all of your business & legal needs. Thank you! You are good enough for your baby. I hope we bond soon! A long time. In the first few months of my firstborn’s life, I felt like my life was over. I won’t lie though…he still doesn’t sleep through the night, and he still doesn’t sleep in his crib. I thought I could justify my dislike of new mommyhood if I had at least a trace of hormonal issues at play. But caring for him was so endlessly difficult, and caring for myself was impossible. It’s really, really true, they do grow up so fast (my 7-year-old should still fit in my arms, it seems), but I’m not so far away from your stage to look back and see nothing but unicorns and glitter. Do no ask me why… ‘Grandma’, however, rolled her eyes and stage whispered to a can of soup “Oh dear. Did I like the newborn stage? We can identify with that. And exhaustion in the beginning plays a big part in getting you down to that crazy place. I have a 3 month old son and I never thought being a stay-at-home was gonna suck so badly!! I managed to cope, but not well. I wish I’d know about blogs. There is a lot of freedom with one newborn, though it doesn’t seem like it! I totally agree. And for some crazy reason, I love changing diapers. I dont really have help to take care of her because everybody (hubby, mom, mom-in-law) seems to be afraid of being alone with her.. like I’m the only one who can handle her when she’s awake. I was upset and saddened by my third pregnancy. I am one of those moms who wakes up before her children, normally. Thank you so much for sharing your story. If i had thought more on that while I was pregnant I wouldn’t have had such a hard time. Still though, I fall into the love-a-newborn, baffled-by-toddlers set! your story speaks to my story. I thought there must be something wrong with me because I have not been enjoying much of this motherhood thing. (((hugs))) I was terriefied of having another. Laundry Lady, I almost could’ve written your comment myself! I came home from the grocery store crying more than once that’s for sure! I think having two worked for me in the way that I was so busy I didn’t have time to feed into anxiety, so upon realizing this and realizing, yes, I can love two babies at once, I felt so free to be joyful. Then that made me feel like a bad mom, like why am I happy when someone takes her. But I’m also pretty comfortable with him in here, thanks. I spoke to my husband and doctor about my fear of depression, both during pregnancy and after delivery. Thank you for posting this. Probably should’ve had the baby back home. We are adopting and they came home last week and I am so overwhelmed. I’m 6.5 months pregnant with my first, and I’m already struggling with anxiety and prepartum depression. I went on to have 3 more children, starting 6 years later. It is so good to get a real perspective and to know that if I struggle those first few months it IS normal and OK. 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